Listening to SModcast reminds me of the first time I saw Clerks

“I can do that,” I said to myself.

I was working the production line on the midnight shift at a factory when I said that to myself. I wrote a screenplay around one night at a coffee shop. I remember a friend of mine reading a draft of it and commenting that I was overdoing it on a pair of characters I’d created. They were twins that finished each others sentences. I wanted them the way they were because the represented how people followed the crowd. And it was a tool I would use to close the 2nd act. But when I got that criticism, I put the script in the drawer. I would only go back to it in my head from time to time, never bothering to look in the drawer.

My short stories and novel ideas work much the same way. I write them and then talk myself out of them. Who wants to hear what I have to say anyway? I still write them. I just don’t do anything with them. Oh, the odd time I’ll send out a smidgen of what I write to a close friend, but only the smidgen.

I followed Kevin Smith because I admired him for doing what he loved at all costs. I watched his movies and went to every appearance that I could. I stood in line with my brother at Massey Hall for ‘Evening With Kevin Smith 2’ to ask a question (I wouldn’t have asked a question. I would have thanked him for his movies). My wife and my other brother and his girlfriend got a 3 second shot on screen as the camera panned the crowd – I could have been in that shot, too, had of I sat in my comfortable seat.

I lost respect for him on his last appearance. It was after Zack and Miri and he looked and sounded like shit. He talked a lot about getting high all the time and doing a lot of nothing. I didn’t watch or follow anything of his after that. Then I watched Tusk. Then I started listening to SModcast, starting with Episode 311.

And I fell in love with him all over again. I saw that he was having a tough time being himself, no more or less than anyone else in the world. I listened to Smodcast. I thought about Tusk.

“I can do that,” I said to myself.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s