Worrying about not posting today made me sick.
What you read today, I wrote yesterday. It lets me write it early in the morning and mull it in the afternoon so I can post it by 11:00AM.
At least once, I scheduled a draft to be posted, challenging myself not to forget to edit it before going to bed. The idea of something unedited (even badly written and badly edited) going out into the world made me sicker than the notion of unscheduling the post.
But this morning after my workout, I lifted the lid of my laptop and had no idea what to write. WordPress hadn’t yet posted the writing prompt for the day so I had no inspiration. If the conflict between unscheduling and bad work made me ill, think about how the problem of failing to post once a day infected me.
Yeah, sure, I already gave myself permission to miss, but to my mind, that permission was contingent on being too busy to post. Not posting today would mean I had all the time in the world – all the time I would need for a few hundred words – and couldn’t come up with anything.
But imagine feeling ill but you know you don’t have the flu. Like there is something wrong that you can’t just put your finger on. Like a bee landed on your shoulder and you can feel it, you can hear the annoying buzz of it’s flimsy wings in your hear, but as much as you spin around, you can’t so much as catch a glimpse of it. There’s a sinking feeling in your stomach that has nothing to do with what you ate. That’s the kind of infection I felt. Like I needed to write, but didn’t know what to write about.
I powered through my day, distracted and doodling in the margins of my work notebook, and raced out of the office to my doctor’s appointment (no weight loss this week, but nothing gained either).
“I could write about that,” I thought while waiting to discuss my results with the doctor. But no, we aren’t going to talk about thin anymore in this blog.
At the coffee shop, I lugged my bag into the seat opposite and stared at it for a moment, considering if I should open my laptop or not.
Did you know you know your stomach has a mind of its own? It’s called the “enteric nervous system”. Just like your regular brain, it sends and receives impulses, records experiences and respond to emotions and it can upset you just the same.
So, to get rid of that sick feeling, I munched on a chicken chipotle wrap and sipped my medium, black dark roast coffee. I wasn’t hungry anymore but I didn’t feel right just the same.
“Damnit,” I said as my laptop booted up. Reddit had nothing interesting for me but I closed it before I went down that rabbit hole for an hour. Biting the bullet against the pain, I went to WordPress.
Someone gave me a prompt after all! Infect?